Mistakes

I am imperfect
I do make mistakes
Sometimes big
Sometimes small
Sometimes I hide
Afraid to lose respect n appreciation
I do make mistakes
But,
I no longer punish myself
I no longer fall in ditch of guilt
Yes,
I am ready to accept them
I am ready to wear consequences
I am ready never to repeat them
But,
Not ready to chew them continuously n suffer
Not ready to stop flow of love
Not ready to disrespect me
Yes,
I am imperfect

Overburdened with Spirituality

I observed that many times spiritual people including me get so overwhelmed with their wisdom n understanding of life that they start feeling, there can't be anything beyond their reach in human experience. Sometimes without feeling other person's heart n her being, they start pouring their experience n what is the right way of doing the things.
Many times, experienced spiritual people are so clouded in their own concepts that before other person open up, they start telling what they will be feeling.
I don't know what is the right way of sharing wisdom n experience with others but one criterion must be there...the willingness of other to receive.
Yesterday, when I poured my life wisdom without being sensitive that other person might not be willing n nobody likes free advice, it was really revealing to know that I started doing something which I don't appreciate in others...pouring their experiences on my head without feeling my energy space n willingness to receive at that moment.
My friends, in case, you become the target of my wisdom sometimes n you don't tune with it. Please remind me...we all are individual n have our own journey.
Yes...I do make mistakes :):)

You...

You have come like a storm
Sweeping away all old in me
You have come like a fire
Burning away all false in me
Who are you?

You are not the love I knew
You have become part of me through eyes.
You live in me all the time
Is there something beyond love also?
When I fall,
You don't hold me
When I cry,
You don't give me your hand

Still I feel your presence protecting me all the time
Have I entered in some mystery with you?
I don't understand it
I don't know how to express it
I live it
I feel loved n nourished
But, can't say what it is.

Love for loved ones

Hard to accept
I am helpless
If seed of change is not there,
Nothing can be done
I see pain in my loved ones's eyes
I see the way to come out

But,
My words will not reach them
My intentions are bound to be misunderstood

I listen them
I sense their despair
I shower my love
I share my smile

But,
I no longer try to enlighten them
I keep quiet
I wait...
May be someday
Someone might ask
Where to start journey?
Till then...
I respect their freedom
I respect their choice of life
I respect their journey of growth
And trust mystery of universe.

Love...

One more time,
Flying in the sky

Don't know
Love for life
Or, someone has knocked my heart again

Only time can disclose the truth

Dreams do end
Bring back to ground
Life grows
Takes higher towards sky

Illusion

I lived in an illusion of perfection
Realized very late
There is no perfect family
There is no perfect upbringing possible

Life is vast
Running in many dimensions
There is no way to judge anything

If mother is caring,
People have different difficulties,
If mother is insensitive,
People have different issue

Whatever is the case?
Every individual goes through challenges

I wish

I wish...
"To be" as it is with you.
Where I don't need to probe my worth
I don't need to hide my tears
I am not afraid to remain impotent sometimes

I am as I am
No layers imposed
My being expands in your presence
Becomes as delicate as it was born with.

Inner Space

There is a space inside
Which is untouched
Which is available to all
We get lost in outside
Get disconnected
Search our roots at wrong place

The day, we encounter it
We are liberated from slavery of the world.

Existence sharing...

My hands shake when I write
It's not 'me'
It's something else which writes through me
It's what...
Existence wants to share
I might not even know the meaning
I might not connect with it
I write as its wish

Nothing belongs to me
Even if I want,
I can't add anything
I can't change anything

It falls like a rain
It raises like a weave in ocean

Nothing belongs to me
I surrender
I trust
I drop my limitations
I allow existence to shower its love n wisdom
But,
I am not the owner of anything I write
I am just a mediator conveying messages.

Wonder

I wonder...
Does life situations really makes human so weak n phony?
Where she scares to speak what she feels?
Where she feels fear of rejection before she approach anything?
Where she hides her own being behind mask to survive?
Where her courage disappeared?
She was born with and was not ready to compromise for anybody?
Where is that stubbornness of being as she is ?
How her fearless expression got contaminated?

Does growing up in life
Really takes away all the courage n authenticity from us?
May be..it does.
Otherwise..why so much manipulation in all relationships?
Why people hide their truth underneath ?
Why so much fear to be individual ?
Why so much compulsive need to be part of some group ?
Why everyone tries too hard to be recognized n get approval?
Still...nothing fills the emptiness of inner being.
It remains there haunting us again n again.
Till we enter into the state we were born with.

Moment

If I live this very moment with love n grace,
I have become capable to live rest of life also.
If I accept myself exactly as I am without any change,
I have accepted and respected everyone.
If I relax in my ignorance,
One day I will have taste of patience.
If I stop looking for solutions outside,
I will not remain stranger to myself.
If I don't cling to security of tomorrow,
I will experience something absolutely new.
If I trust my unique beauty,
I will bring different fragrance to the world.
If I don't fear of my fears,
My laughter will create a magic wherever I go.
If I don't look my image in others eyes,
I will dance like a butterfly

Journey

It has been a long journey.
At last, I m fine with myself
I m not angry on my anger
I m not sad for my sadness
I m not frustrated on my imperfections
I m fine with myself as I m.
I m not afraid of my mistakes
I m not ashamed of my failures
I don't chisel myself to fit anywhere
I m fine with myself as I m
I don't feel shaky in my weak moments
I m having everything as any human
I don't try to be God above all
But,
I no more need saviour to rescue me
I am the only savior for myself
So I seek only me
And I  am fine with all that  I have in me

Heart

Sometimes I am fast asleep
I don't  hear your whisper
Sometimes I am overburdened with outside world
I don't praise you when you get ready for me
Sometimes I am with my friends
I ignore your uneasiness in party
Sometimes I am highly ambitious
I don't look into your empty eyes
Sometimes I become hard like a stone
I don't respond your tender touch

Yes, many times I hurt you
Sometimes I take you granted
Sometimes I want to hide my vulnerability

Still..I expect you to understand all my childishness
And..be with me in all ups n downs
Smile on my ignorance
And see my heart behind all of my dramas
Because I trust,
You know..I can't go away from you in this life journey

अतीत

अब बहुत हुआ
अतीत का बोझ उठा -उठाकर
मैं थक गई हूँ
आज इसे छोड़कर
चलने का वक़्त आ गया है

नहीं है इसकी कोई जरूरत
पर मेरी बरसों की आदत है
हर ज़ख्म को कुरेदती रहूँ
ज़िन्दगी को गवाती रहूँ

सालों गुजर जाते हैं
और मैं आज भी
सालों पुरानी ज़िन्दगी जीती रहती हूँ

हरजा नहीं है
पर क्या आँख मेरी इतनी बंद है
जहाँ रोशिनी से मैं अपना दामन भर सकती हूँ
वहां अंधेरों में बार-बार जाकर दिया जलाती हूँ
जहाँ ज़िन्दगी मुझे फूलों से भरने में लगी है
वहां मैं काँटों का हिसाब रखूं

चलो अब बहुत हुआ
ये अतीत का बोझ
अब मैं इस छोड़ देती हूँ
इसमें रखा कुछ नहीं
बस कुछ तश्वीरें हैं
उन्हें देखकर कभी हंस लेती हूँ
कभी रो लेती हूँ

हरजा  नहीं है
पर अतीत में जीना भी क्या कोई जीना होता है
आज हर बीते दिन को मैं जाने देती हूँ

एक नई सुबहे की शुरुवात करती हूँ
जहाँ अतीत का पर्दा ना हो
जहाँ आँखों में धुंध ना हो
जहाँ दिल में कोई दाग ना हो

Ignorance

I accept my ignorance
I don't know anything
Whether God exist or not
Whether there is a soul or not
I know nothing...
What is the purpose of life
Why I am here ?
But..
I will not look answer anywhere anymore
I accept this nothingness
I can survive in this darkness
I can live in this ignorance
But...
I can't live in lies
I can't live in dreams
I can't hide myself

Yes,Its scary
As if there is no ground underneath
As if I am just born and wondering about everything
As if I am complete stranger to this world

My feet shake while walking
I don't know which direction to move
Standing nowhere Seeking myself

ऐसे ही

तुझे पाकर भी क्या पालेंगे हम
तुझे खोकर भी क्या खो देंगे हम
बेकार की जिद्दो-जेहद हे सनम
अब हम खुद को ढूंढने निकलेगे !

कभी ना सोचा था ज़िन्दगी में ऐसा मुकाम भी आएगा
ना होगा खुद का पता ना खुदा की खबर होगी

जब ज़िन्दगी का गढ़ित पता ही नहीं
तो फिर शिकयत किस्से और क्यों ?

Alone

Where can I run ?
How far I can run ?
Who can give me the truth ?
My beloved, even you can't come with me
Now,
I need to walk on my own
 I am scared of darkness and unknown path
But,
No one can come along with me
I need to walk alone
Trusting myself, one day the sun will rise
And I will see the rays of light in darkness

The Other

The moment you realize
Other can't fulfill you
Your whole world collapses
Your expectations drop and break into pieces

You no more control other
You no more hate other
You no more run behind anyone or anything

The other exist still doesn't exist

First time, you laugh on yourself
What a fool you were?

You were trying to fill
Which can't be filled Your 'empty space'
Which can't even be touched by anything or anyone

That day,
You give up race of Life
You relax into your emptiness
Where nothing matters
Neither love nor hatred
Neither success nor failure
Neither pleasure nor pain

'I'

Let the body and its problems be
Sometimes its healthy
Sometimes its weak

Let the mind and its continuous thinking be
Its nothing,
But bundle of information from outside
Which functions without my interference

Let the heart and its emotions be
Sometimes it brings sadness, anger and hatred
Sometimes it brings pleasure, love and forgiveness

Let the heart, mind and body be
Where do 'I' exist in them
Who is this 'I' ?
I don't find it anywhere
Does it mean 'I' is an illusion

दर्द

जाने ये कौन सा दर्द है
जिसे मैं कभी समझ नहीं पाई
भागती रही हूँ इससे हमेशा
कभी बैर के पेड़ से टकराकर ख़याल हो गई हूँ
कभी कीचड़ में गिरकर मैली हो गई हूँ

जाने कौन सी हिम्मत चाहिए
इस दर्द से गुजरने के लिए
मैं तो हमेशा भागती ही आई हूँ

हज़ारों कोशिशे की हैं मैंने
इसे अपने अंदर से मिटाने की
इसके अस्तित्व को भूल जाने की
पर ये भी जिद्दी ठहरा
टस से मस नहीं हुआ

चल,
जब तुझे मेरा साथ छोड़ना ही नहीं है
तो दोस्त बन जाते हैं
मैं भागना छोड़ देती हूँ
तू पीछा करना छोड़ दे
ज़िन्दगी का सफर साथ में तय कर लेते हैं