अतीत

अब बहुत हुआ
अतीत का बोझ उठा -उठाकर
मैं थक गई हूँ
आज इसे छोड़कर
चलने का वक़्त आ गया है

नहीं है इसकी कोई जरूरत
पर मेरी बरसों की आदत है
हर ज़ख्म को कुरेदती रहूँ
ज़िन्दगी को गवाती रहूँ

सालों गुजर जाते हैं
और मैं आज भी
सालों पुरानी ज़िन्दगी जीती रहती हूँ

हरजा नहीं है
पर क्या आँख मेरी इतनी बंद है
जहाँ रोशिनी से मैं अपना दामन भर सकती हूँ
वहां अंधेरों में बार-बार जाकर दिया जलाती हूँ
जहाँ ज़िन्दगी मुझे फूलों से भरने में लगी है
वहां मैं काँटों का हिसाब रखूं

चलो अब बहुत हुआ
ये अतीत का बोझ
अब मैं इस छोड़ देती हूँ
इसमें रखा कुछ नहीं
बस कुछ तश्वीरें हैं
उन्हें देखकर कभी हंस लेती हूँ
कभी रो लेती हूँ

हरजा  नहीं है
पर अतीत में जीना भी क्या कोई जीना होता है
आज हर बीते दिन को मैं जाने देती हूँ

एक नई सुबहे की शुरुवात करती हूँ
जहाँ अतीत का पर्दा ना हो
जहाँ आँखों में धुंध ना हो
जहाँ दिल में कोई दाग ना हो

Ignorance

I accept my ignorance
I don't know anything
Whether God exist or not
Whether there is a soul or not
I know nothing...
What is the purpose of life
Why I am here ?
But..
I will not look answer anywhere anymore
I accept this nothingness
I can survive in this darkness
I can live in this ignorance
But...
I can't live in lies
I can't live in dreams
I can't hide myself

Yes,Its scary
As if there is no ground underneath
As if I am just born and wondering about everything
As if I am complete stranger to this world

My feet shake while walking
I don't know which direction to move
Standing nowhere Seeking myself

ऐसे ही

तुझे पाकर भी क्या पालेंगे हम
तुझे खोकर भी क्या खो देंगे हम
बेकार की जिद्दो-जेहद हे सनम
अब हम खुद को ढूंढने निकलेगे !

कभी ना सोचा था ज़िन्दगी में ऐसा मुकाम भी आएगा
ना होगा खुद का पता ना खुदा की खबर होगी

जब ज़िन्दगी का गढ़ित पता ही नहीं
तो फिर शिकयत किस्से और क्यों ?

Alone

Where can I run ?
How far I can run ?
Who can give me the truth ?
My beloved, even you can't come with me
Now,
I need to walk on my own
 I am scared of darkness and unknown path
But,
No one can come along with me
I need to walk alone
Trusting myself, one day the sun will rise
And I will see the rays of light in darkness

The Other

The moment you realize
Other can't fulfill you
Your whole world collapses
Your expectations drop and break into pieces

You no more control other
You no more hate other
You no more run behind anyone or anything

The other exist still doesn't exist

First time, you laugh on yourself
What a fool you were?

You were trying to fill
Which can't be filled Your 'empty space'
Which can't even be touched by anything or anyone

That day,
You give up race of Life
You relax into your emptiness
Where nothing matters
Neither love nor hatred
Neither success nor failure
Neither pleasure nor pain

'I'

Let the body and its problems be
Sometimes its healthy
Sometimes its weak

Let the mind and its continuous thinking be
Its nothing,
But bundle of information from outside
Which functions without my interference

Let the heart and its emotions be
Sometimes it brings sadness, anger and hatred
Sometimes it brings pleasure, love and forgiveness

Let the heart, mind and body be
Where do 'I' exist in them
Who is this 'I' ?
I don't find it anywhere
Does it mean 'I' is an illusion

दर्द

जाने ये कौन सा दर्द है
जिसे मैं कभी समझ नहीं पाई
भागती रही हूँ इससे हमेशा
कभी बैर के पेड़ से टकराकर ख़याल हो गई हूँ
कभी कीचड़ में गिरकर मैली हो गई हूँ

जाने कौन सी हिम्मत चाहिए
इस दर्द से गुजरने के लिए
मैं तो हमेशा भागती ही आई हूँ

हज़ारों कोशिशे की हैं मैंने
इसे अपने अंदर से मिटाने की
इसके अस्तित्व को भूल जाने की
पर ये भी जिद्दी ठहरा
टस से मस नहीं हुआ

चल,
जब तुझे मेरा साथ छोड़ना ही नहीं है
तो दोस्त बन जाते हैं
मैं भागना छोड़ देती हूँ
तू पीछा करना छोड़ दे
ज़िन्दगी का सफर साथ में तय कर लेते हैं

आ गई ज़ुबा पर वो बात

कहने को तो सब कह जाती हूँ ,
फिर भी कुछ है तो रह जाता है!
निहारती हूँ तेरी आँखों में,
शायद वो जानती हो ,
मुझे क्या कहना होता है !

I express everything,
Still something is left unexpressed!
I look helplessly into your eyes,
May be they know what I want to say

यहाँ सबको बहुत काम है,
कुछ करना है,कहीं जाना है
बस एक हम ही निकम्मे रह गए हैं
ना कहीं जाने की जल्दी है
ना कुछ कर गुजरने का जज़्वा है

Life

I don't know
The equation of life
What is good ?
What is bad ?
How can I demand anything?
How can be ever disappointed?

Life doesn't listen to me
It flows in its own way
Whether I accept or reject it

But I can make my small life hell
Because I see it through the tiny window of mind
Where I have definitions of everything
Where I divide I compare I fear

I have lived so long in imprisonment because of fear
Now,
No more I will do anything to protect me from fear
Let it shake me and make me feel terrible

Let there be fear of disappearing
Let there be fear of left behind
Let there be fear of being lonely

I can't go back
I will stand alone without any support of knowledge
I know it will be very painful
I know, I will feel lost in crowd

Still,
I will not lean on anything except my heart
I will not lean on anything except my heart

Love

I am ready to let go all the hatred blocked in my heart

I forgive all the people who made me feel unsafe
I forgive all the people who insulted me for being ignorant
I forgive all the people who laughed at me for being the way I am
I forgive everyone who has hurt me in anyway

And allow love to flow from my Heart to All.

Nobody is my enemy
I see myself in everyone
How Can I hate anyone
Everyone is weak and vulnerable
So I am like anyone
Who am I judge to anyone
I have very limited vision
So I allow love to flow from my Heart to All.

Let life decides for everyone
I drop my mind conditions for love
Who deserves?
Who is worthy?
Who is not?
How can I ever know?
But I can allow love to flow from my Heart to All.

In my life journey,
I have also hurt so many
Many times I failed to fulfill expectations of my loved ones
Many times I made people to shed tears in disappointment
Many times I used ugly words to express my emotions
Many times I was incapable to understand other's pain

I apologize every single person who got hurt because of me
But I have no anger on myself for my actions
I did the best I could do in given circumstances
I am not born perfect,
who knows how to love from birth
who knows how to express pain and anger
who knows how to forgive

I am in the process to learn how to live
Someday I will leave this earth
Before I leave,
I set everyone free from any bondage from my side
I will carry nothing from here to there except Love

Let the love flow from my heart to All...
Let the love flow from my heart to All...

....

हे अगर हकीकत मोहबत की दर्द,
तो फिर दर्द ही सही !
पर मोहबत तू जरूरत है मेरी,
तेरे बिना होता मेरा गुज़ारा नहीं !

If the reality of love is pain,

so it is ..

But love is my deep need,

I can't live without it.