Sunday, November 1, 2015

Mistakes

I am imperfect
I do make mistakes
Sometimes big
Sometimes small
Sometimes I hide
Afraid to loose respect n appreciation
I do make mistakes
But,
I no longer punish myself
I no longer fall in ditch of guilt
Yes,
I am ready to accept them
I am ready to wear consequences
I am ready never to repeat them
But,
Not ready to chew them continuously n suffer
Not ready to stop flow of love
Not ready to disrespect myself
Yes,
I am imperfect
But,
Not a fool

Overburdened with Spirituality

I observed that many times spiritual people including me get so overwhelmed with their wisdom n understanding of life that they start feeling, there can't be anything beyond their reach in human experience. Sometimes without feeling other person's heart n her being, they start pouring their experience n what is the right way of doing the things.
Many times, experienced spiritual people are so clouded in their own concepts that before other person open up, they start telling what they will be feeling.
I don't know what is the right way of sharing wisdom n experience with others but one criterion must be there...the willingness of other to receive.
Yesterday, when I poured my life wisdom without being sensitive that other person might not be willing n nobody likes free advice, it was really revealing to know that I started doing something which I don't appreciate in others...pouring their experiences on my head without feeling my energy space n willingness to receive at that moment.
My friends, in case, you become the target of my wisdom sometimes n you don't tune with it. Please remind me...we all are individual n have our own journey.
Yes...I do make mistakes :):)

You...

You have come like a storm
Sweeping away all old in me
You have come like a fire
Burning away all false in me
Who are you?

You are not the love I knew
You have become part of me through eyes.
You live in me all the time
Is there something beyond love also?
When I fall,
You don't hold me
When I cry,
You don't give me your hand

Still I feel your presence protecting me all the time
Have I entered in some mystery with you?
I don't understand it
I don't know how to express it
I live it
I feel loved n nourished
But, can't say what it is.

Love for loved ones

Hard to accept
I am helpless
If seed of change is not there,
Nothing can be done
I see pain in my loved ones's eyes
I see the way to come out

But,
My words will not reach them
My intentions are bound to be misunderstood

I listen them
I sense their despair
I shower my love
I share my smile

But,
I no longer try to enlighten them
I keep quiet
I wait...
May be someday
Someone might ask
Where to start journey?
Till then...
I respect their freedom
I respect their choice of life
I respect their journey of growth
And trust mystery of universe.

Love...

One more time,
Flying in the sky

Don't know
Love for life
Or, someone has knocked my heart again

Only time can disclose the truth

Dreams do end
Bring back to ground
Life grows
Takes higher towards sky

Illusion

I lived in an illusion of perfection
Realized very late
There is no perfect family
There is no perfect up-bringing
There is no way to judge anything

Life is vast
Running in many dimensions

It was my absolute ignorance,
Made me put choices on flow of life.

I wish

I wish...
"To be" as it is with you.
Where I don't need to probe my worth
I don't need to hide my tears
I am not afraid to remain impotent sometimes

I am as I am
No layers imposed
My being expands in your presence
Becomes as delicate as it was born with.

Inner Space

There is a space inside
Which is untouched
Which is available to all
We get lost in outside
Get disconnected
Search our roots at wrong place

The day, we encounter it
We are liberated from slavery of the world.

Existence sharing...

My hands shake when I write
It's not 'me'
It's something else which writes through me
It's what...
Existence wants to share
I might not even know the meaning
I might not connect with it
I write as its wish

Nothing belongs to me
Even if I want,
I can't add anything
I can't change anything

It falls like a rain
It raises like a weave in ocean

Nothing belongs to me
I surrender
I trust
I drop my limitations
I allow existence to shower its love n wisdom
But,
I am not the owner of anything I write
I am just a mediator conveying messages.

Dramas during travel in India

If I wear simple chudidhar or kurti, auto person, rickshaw person n hotel person treats differently. When I wear something with little bit hippie touch...May be just a long shirt on t-shirt or some gown with sunglasses...same people...how are you madam...which country madam..please come madam. Once...just to be safe...I told wrong name n country to one photographer in kanyakumari n forgot about it. After 2 days, I saw some fellow running behind me n shouting...juile madam...how are you? do you remember me? Then I realized..ohhh..shit...he is calling me. I wanted to roll on road n laugh belly full but responded seriously..ohhh..yes..nice to see you again.
So many jokes happens all around all the time....when we are serious, our eyes forget playfulness n can't see the jokes happening in our lives n other lives..

Mystery of Varanasi...

Few days back, I felt Varanasi is calling me..for what I don't know but I felt the call to go n explore.
There were many reasons not to like Varanasi still I felt very comfortable walking around the city. City is quite dirty especially during the rain. There is cow dunk everywhere n dog's shit. People stand in middle of road n spit paan. For my own surprise, I was more comfortable than my own home town on streets. I didn't feel like entering into any temple. I didn't feel any interest in saints sitting around me. I didn't feel like checking Varanasi sarees or click photos or take a dip in Ganga. I just loved going around the city, have tea in mud cup n enjoy local chaats n sweets. And, look at the Ganga sitting at assi ghat especially in night when power would go off. I felt absolutely safe sitting in dark among strangers. Few times, I went n witnessed wonderful arti in evening on other ghats. 
I think this city has been helpful to enhance my trust in me where I totally followed my inner voice irrespective what other people were doing.
People were very helpful n truthful. I had really nice experience except few drank rickshaw men n a beggar in night :):).
I pray Varanasi manifest two things in future.
1) People say that your karma will be cleaned by taking bath in Ganga. Like most of you, I don't agree but I want to create different concept of cleaning karma in Ganga till people get awareness about truth of karmas :):)Whoever clean Ganga instead of making dirty..his negative karmas will be cleaned n personally, I think there are chances as you clean outside with devotion...inner cleaning also happens.
2) People of Varanasi understand that God just doesn't remain behind closed doors...sometimes (s)he would like to walk on congested streets n see around how people are living in Varanasi. I think we need to create a new God called "Clean Country God" who will live on streets not inside the religious structure in India :):):)

I am happy that I visited Varanasi n saw its beauty n uniqueness :):):)

Little play on the way...

Generally, I am truthful but sometimes, can't help to be playful...
While staying in a hotel in Varanasi, I wanted to go out at 5a.m. I tried to wake up the staff  who were all old people to open the gate but no one responded. I got an idea..went little far from reception n called on reception...after few calls..lazily one fellow came towards reception..I immediately cut the call...again called n cut it. By that time, old man was fully awake...I went and asked him..please open the gate. He asked me ...did you call? I said no n why will I call n rushed out of hotel :):)
Second incident, while coming back in train, I was on upper seat. In night, while drinking water...water bottle slipped from my hand n water went to middle n lower seat, I immediately went into sleeping posture. When someone turned on the light, I pretended to be in deep sleep. He didn't understand n turned off light:):):):)
I am sure...Allah..will not mind these little plays:):):)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Wonder

I wonder...
Does life situations really makes human so weak n phony?
Where she scares to speak what she feels?
Where she feels fear of rejection before she approach anything?
Where she hides her own being behind mask to survive?
Where her courage disappeared?
She was born with and was not ready to compromise for anybody?
Where is that stubbornness of being as she is ?
How her fearless expression got contaminated?

Does growing up in life
Really takes away all the courage n authenticity from us?
May be..it does.
Otherwise..why so much manipulation in all relationships?
Why people hide their truth underneath ?
Why so much fear to be individual ?
Why so much compulsive need to be part of some group ?
Why everyone tries too hard to be recognized n get approval?
Still...nothing fills the emptiness of inner being.
It remains there haunting us again n again.
Till we enter into the state we were born with.

Moment

If I live this very moment with love n grace,
I have become capable to live rest of life also.
If I accept myself exactly as I am without any change,
I have accepted and respected everyone.
If I relax in my ignorance,
One day I will have taste of patience.
If I stop looking for solutions outside,
I will not remain stranger to myself.
If I don't cling to security of tomorrow,
I will experience something absolutely new.
If I trust my unique beauty,
I will bring different fragrance to the world.
If I don't fear of my fears,
My laughter will create a magic wherever I go.
If I don't look my image in others eyes,
I will dance like a butterfly

Journey

It has been a long journey.
At last, I m fine with myself
I m not angry on my anger
I m not sad for my sadness
I m not frustrated on my imperfections
I m fine with myself as I m.
I m not afraid of my mistakes
I m not ashamed of my failures
I don't chisel myself to fit anywhere
I m fine with myself as I m
I don't feel shaky in my weak moments
I m having everything as any human
I don't try to be God above all
But,
I no more need saviour to rescue me
I am the only savior for myself
So I seek only me
And I  am fine with all that  I have in me

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Heart

Sometimes I am fast asleep
I don't  hear your whisper
Sometimes I am overburdened with outside world
I don't praise you when you get ready for me
Sometimes I am with my friends
I ignore your uneasiness in party
Sometimes I am highly ambitious
I don't look into your empty eyes
Sometimes I become hard like a stone
I don't respond your tender touch

Yes, many times I hurt you
Sometimes I take you granted
Sometimes I want to hide my vulnerability

Still..I expect you to understand all my childishness
And..be with me in all ups n downs
Smile on my ignorance
And see my heart behind all of my dramas
Because I trust,
You know..I can't go away from you in this life journey